31 October 2011
30 October 2011
Daily Joke #5
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!."
There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.
As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."
Quote of the day #1
Religion is about turning untested belief into unshakeable truth through the power of institutions and the passage of time.
Richard Dawkin
Richard Dawkin
29 October 2011
Daily Joke #4
Garden of Eden
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so
God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"
Adam said, "I don't have anyone to talk to."
God said, "I will give you a companion and it will be a woman." He
said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will
always agree with every decision you make, she will bear your children
and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of
them.
"She will not nag," God continued, "and will always be the first to admit
she was wrong. When you've had a disagreement, she will never have a
headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg!"
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
AND THE REST IS HISTORY.
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so
God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"
Adam said, "I don't have anyone to talk to."
God said, "I will give you a companion and it will be a woman." He
said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will
always agree with every decision you make, she will bear your children
and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of
them.
"She will not nag," God continued, "and will always be the first to admit
she was wrong. When you've had a disagreement, she will never have a
headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg!"
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
AND THE REST IS HISTORY.
Another Joke
The coloition we have in place. Public services being cut all over the place. Jo figures rising. Extortinate student fees. And the Lib Dems who are supposed to believe in being fair supports all this.
I went for a job the other day. Litter picking 2 days a week Sat/Sun 4 hrs a day. There were 40-50 applicants. What a joke. My JSA is £135 per fortnight. Could you live on that Mr Cameron/Mr Clegg.
I very much doubt it but you expect thousands of unemployed people to. They are not didling the system. It's the executives who fiddle expenses who are on 50 grand a year that ought to be stopped.
They cost more to the country than a lowly man on the street trying to fend for his family. Butv again I doubt you will do anything about the top earners that dodge taxes because politicians do it too and while they are benifiting they don't give a thought for anyone else.
I went for a job the other day. Litter picking 2 days a week Sat/Sun 4 hrs a day. There were 40-50 applicants. What a joke. My JSA is £135 per fortnight. Could you live on that Mr Cameron/Mr Clegg.
I very much doubt it but you expect thousands of unemployed people to. They are not didling the system. It's the executives who fiddle expenses who are on 50 grand a year that ought to be stopped.
They cost more to the country than a lowly man on the street trying to fend for his family. Butv again I doubt you will do anything about the top earners that dodge taxes because politicians do it too and while they are benifiting they don't give a thought for anyone else.
Daily Joke #3
How Goverments work.
The government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning division and hired two people, one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a quality control (QC) division and hired two people, one to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created a payroll division and hired two more people a time keeper and a payroll officer.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative division and hired three more people: an Admin Officer, Assistant Admin Officer and a Legal Secretary.
Then, one year later, Congress reviewed the operation of the desert scrap yard and said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $22,000 over budget. We must cut back overall costs!" So they eliminated the night watchman.
The government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning division and hired two people, one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a quality control (QC) division and hired two people, one to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created a payroll division and hired two more people a time keeper and a payroll officer.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative division and hired three more people: an Admin Officer, Assistant Admin Officer and a Legal Secretary.
Then, one year later, Congress reviewed the operation of the desert scrap yard and said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $22,000 over budget. We must cut back overall costs!" So they eliminated the night watchman.
28 October 2011
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